February, the month of love, often finds us reflecting on our romantic connections, whether we’re confessing hidden feelings or celebrating the bonds we’ve already built. But for those who’ve been “partnered up” for a while, maintaining the magic can sometimes require a little more effort. If your relationship feels like it could use a romance reboot, we’ve gathered some expert advice on how to keep the flame burning strong.

STAY CONNECTED

Whether it’s time apart, juggling a busy calendar, stressful work situations, or all the above, it’s easy to get distracted from bonding with your partner, but staying connected doesn’t have to take a lot of time or effort.

Jennifer Moffat, LMFT, suggests incorporating small “bids of connection” throughout the day. “A playful tap on the tush, lingering hugs, flirty text messages, and doing things around the house that you know your partner would appreciate are all simple ways to connect. It also communicates to them that you enjoy their presence and like being around them.” 

CULTIVATE CURIOUSITY

Couples who’ve been together a long time may feel as though they know their partner inside and out, but as life evolves, so do we. Nancy Ryan, MA, LMFT, of the Relationship Therapy Center, encourages duos to check in with each other and bring curiosity back into conversations.

“I challenge couples to go on dates and avoid discussing logistics—no kids, bills, or work talk! [Though it sounds challenging], try asking open-ended questions to deepen your connection, even if it’s about day-to-day matters. For instance, instead of ‘How was your day?’ try, ‘What’s something that inspired or challenged you today?’ or ‘How do you think we could add more fun into our lives?’ Questions that don’t have a yes or no answer show genuine interest in your partner’s growth and evolving self, preventing the relationship from feeling stagnant and increasing communication.”

NAVIGATING CONFLICT

When you know your significant other well, you might be able to predict how they will react in times of conflict. The “battle lines” may be well entrenched, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be redrawn and your approach to conflict changed.  Ryan explains that the goal isn’t just to resolve the issue at hand, but to rebuild trust and connection.

“In long-term relationships, disagreements are inevitable. What makes a difference is how quickly and effectively you repair after a conflict. Take responsibility for your part of it and approach the repair with curiosity and empathy. If [conflict resolution becomes challenging], seeking help from a professional can prevent long-term resentments from destroying the love you have.”

QUALITY TIME TOGETHER

We know we should do it; it’s on our “to-do” list (alongside a million other tasks), but it’s difficult to cross off the list. You might need a sitter and then there’s what to do and where to go! But it doesn’t have to be complicated, says Moffat.

“We often take our dog on a mile loop around the neighborhood, which buys us 20 minutes together away from the kids. Taking a drive to somewhere we’ve never been, day dates while the kids are in school, and nights away when our schedules allow it all enable us to reconnect, reminisce about life pre-kids, and enjoy each other’s company.” 

INTIMACY IS IMPERATIVE

Being physically intimate is a significant part of a relationship; it demonstrates desire and some see it as validation of their relationship. 

Intimacy takes many guises, though. Non-sexual touch is just as essential as sexual intimacy. Physical affection, like holding hands, hugging, and cuddling, releases oxytocin, which strengthens the emotional bond and often makes it easier to transition to sexual intimacy when that time comes. 

“Making touch a regular part of your daily interactions—whether it’s a hug or kiss when you say ‘hello’ or ‘goodbye,’ a back rub, or handholding—creates a sense of closeness and can have a profound impact on how connected and loved your partner feels,” Ryan explains. 

Moffat adds, “Though each couple has their own unique needs and frequency habits, if sex [itself] isn’t part of a secure, romantic relationship, there may be deeper issues in the partnership that aren’t getting met. In this instance, talking to a professional may help.”

QUICK FIXES

Of course, making big changes may be difficult and seem daunting; thankfully, Therese Sorrentino, LMFT, shares some simple solutions which, if maintained, have the potential to make a real difference!  

• Put your phones away. Try disconnecting from devices, particularly in the evening, and engaging with each other. If putting them away for the entire evening is too ambitious, try to at least have a phone-free portion of the night—and always put it down when your partner is trying to talk to you.  

• Date like you did in the beginning. Don’t allow your relationship to fall to the wayside because of work or family obligations; make time for fun, spontaneous dates, just like in the early days of your courtship.

• Laugh often! Humor is so important, not to mention a wonderful way to keep things lighthearted and playful, but it’s often overlooked. Don’t forget to share a laugh, even during stressful situations.  

by Caroline Kings
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