I didn’t understand burnout until this year when I heard the term being used in real-life scenarios. I learned about a respected magazine editor’s experience of it and, closer to home, a friend told me she was resigning from her job due to its effects. Though these two women had similar symptoms—chronic fatigue, stress, and feeling overwhelmed and emotional, all of which are typical of burnout for both men and women—there are more, as Nancy Ryan, MA, LMFT, and owner of Relationship Therapy Center (therelationshiptherapycenter.com) explains.

“Common symptoms include feeling drained, irritable, hopeless, and unable to cope emotionally. People experiencing burnout often become negative and start to detach themselves emotionally from their work or relationships. They may struggle to concentrate and feel as though their efforts are pointless, no matter how hard they work. Physical signs can include headaches and sleep disturbances.”  

Ingrid Grove, MD, at Thrive Primary Care (thriveprimarycare.net) experienced burnout during her career in the medical profession, leading her to establish Thrive, a membership-based primary care practice in Folsom. “For me, burnout is when you’re being asked to behave, continually, in a way that misaligns with your values or your identity, and/or robs you of the ability to practice self-care. And by self-care, I mean sleep, exercise, and maintaining relationships.” 

Burnout caused by work can impact relationships, as individuals feel as though they have nothing more to give, but relationships themselves can also cause burnout. Parents and caregivers may experience symptoms, especially if they’re caring for someone with an illness like dementia, and we might identify with it in our personal relationships, too.  

As Jennifer Moffat, LMFT, (jennifermoffatmft.com) describes, “Burnout in relationships can be a result of unhealthy dependency on each other and poor boundaries. Partners who can’t say ‘no’ run the risk of burning themselves out by always being available. When the relationship becomes off balance or there are no systems in place that help share the load of responsibility, partners can be left feeling drained, disappointed, and emotionally fatigued.” 

 Moffat advises working toward, “…interdependence, which means ‘I keep your feelings and my feelings in mind when navigating through this relationship.’ It’s this idea that both people want to be able to lean on each other without making the other person fall over. This can be achieved when couples have a balance of give and take, if they learn to say no to one another, and both have an experience of feeling understood.”  

PREVENTING & OVERCOMING BURNOUT

If you’re experiencing any of these symptoms and are worried you might be approaching burnout or are “in it,” here are some simple solutions. 

 The first step is to be honest with yourself and really evaluate how you’re feeling, and I mean really. How are you feeling emotionally and mentally? Grove suggests, “You might feel as though you can’t handle life, small tasks seem overwhelming, or [your mind’s narrative] is on a negative feedback loop that just won’t stop.”  

Also, assess your physical health. Have you been cutting short those walks because you just don’t have time? Or maybe you haven’t moved at all in a while and you’re really missing it.  Try writing things down to clear your mind; it’ll help you “work out” what needs to change in your life.  

And then you must make the changes. According to Ryan, “The key is to not talk yourself out of it because you think you don’t have time or energy.”

“Burnout doesn’t [disappear] with the typical self-care recommendations, such as going on vacation, getting a massage, or taking a bubble bath,” Holly Spotts, LMFT, of Full Cup Wellness (fullcupwellness.com) says. Here are some therapist-recommended self-care suggestions. 

1. Go back to basics; focus on sleep, nutrition, and exercise. I know we’re told this all the time, but that’s because they’re mental and physical health foundations.  Even small changes can make a big difference, such as not checking your phone 30 minutes before bed, drinking more water, and going for a 10-minute morning walk.

2. Spotts advises looking at causes of burnout—such as workplace dynamics, a full schedule throughout the entire week, or a chronic lack of support—and addressing those, as well as examining your own personality. People pleasers, high achievers, and perfectionists are “susceptible to burnout because of their, ‘If I can, I should’ belief system,” Spotts says, adding, “Seeking therapy may be helpful to get to the root of the issue.”

3. Evaluate your schedule and identify what can be dropped in work, life, and relationships.  Say no to things; establish boundaries. I have a friend who declines invitations because she has “plans,” but those plans are staying home and hanging out with her family! Try it. 

4. Encourage open communication and support at work and in your personal life. Nurture positive social relationships, as they “serve as a valuable source of emotional support and help buffer the stress that contributes to burnout,” explains Ryan. 

5. Return to activities that previously brought you joy and fulfillment and try new ones like yoga or meditation that help you connect with yourself. These will give you a much-needed mental and physical boost.

Burnout is real and sadly on the rise. There are statistics on workplace burnout, but it’s harder to identify it in relationships or family life. If you’re not feeling great, regardless of whether it’s burnout or othewise, the suggestions here are good to come back to and discuss with those closest to you. Remember, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Replenish yourself to reset and find greater balance. 

by Caroline Kings
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