TAKE CARE OF YOU. Eat well, sleep well, exercise, and find something that brings you joy—every day! You can only give what you have. Fill up your own emotional bucket, and you’ll be a better partner with more to share.
—Theresa Davis, MFT, folsomcounseling.com

FEED THEIR NEEDS. Needs are the way we feel seen, loved, and cared for in a relationship. Learn what your spouse needs and pursue them—even those that aren't necessarily within your comfort zone.—Ashlee Janzen, MS, LMFT, ashleejanzenlmft.com

STAY CURIOUS. For people to be vulnerable with each other, they first need to feel seen, heard, and valued. You can achieve this and create safety through genuine curiosity and careful listening, without judging or attempting to change your partner. Demonstrate your understanding by reflecting back what you heard. —Holly Spotts, PsyD, drhollyspotts.com

KINDESS COUNTS. Treat your partner with the same respect you would show your boss. Our communication matters. —Renae Linder, MSW, LCSW, echildpsychiatry.com 

SAY SORRY. Own your mistakes, say you’re sorry, and actively work to make it better. Also, forgive, forgive, forgive. —Theresa Davis, MFT, folsomcounseling.com

DEEPEN YOUR CONNECTION. Disconnection and "feeling off" creates anxiety and lack of security, so it’s important to check in and make space for one another— emotionally and physically—on a regular basis, especially during stressful times. Doing so will help you both feel like a priority to one another and deepen your connection. —Ashlee Janzen, MS, LMFT, ashleejanzenlmft.com

TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAMWORK. Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but success lies in how you handle it. It’s easy to get caught up in seeing your partner as the enemy, so take a team perspective and find a win-win solution both partners can feel good about. This will bring connection, trust, and security to the relationship. —Holly Spotts, PsyD, drhollyspotts.com

FINANCIALLY EVER AFTER. When it comes to finances, which is the third leading cause of divorce, keep in mind that you’re both on the same team and schedule weekly financial meetings with your partner to set and monitor mutually agreed upon goals. —Renae Linder, MSW, LCSW, echildpsychiatry.com  

 
LISTEN UP. Welcome your partner’s thoughts and feelings, even the ones you don’t like. Really listening to them is the key to connection and understanding.
—Theresa Davis, MFT, folsomcounseling.com

TWO IS BETTER THAN ONE. Life will inevitably throw curve balls your way—both individually and as a couple—which can be opportunities to draw you closer or create barriers within your marriage. Finding ways to approach issues together, or in support of each other, can enhance the health of your relationship. —Ashlee Janzen, MS, LMFT, ashleejanzenlmft.com

IT’S OK TO ASK FOR HELP. If you find that you and your partner are stuck in the same negative cycle, don’t let pride get in the way of seeking professional help. Couples therapy is an investment in your relationship that will give you the tools you need to be successful for a lifetime of happiness together.—Holly Spotts, PsyD, drhollyspotts.com

GIVE AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE. True gifts of love, without any expectation of payback/return are incredible at instantly improving a relationship. Do them daily. —Theresa Davis, MFT, folsomcounseling.com

SPEAK THEIR LANGUAGE. Get to know each other’s love language (quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, and/or gifts). Knowing your own allows you to communicate the ways you feel loved, while knowing your partner’s enables you to demonstrate your love in a manner that’s meaningful to them. —Holly Spotts, PsyD, drhollyspotts.com