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5 Ways to Connect with Your Kids from Rocklin Pastor Lance Hahn

Oct 27, 2016 11:44AM ● By David Norby

Photo © WavebreakMediaMicro/fotolia.com.

Most of us chose to have children so that we could spend time with them, create quality relationships and pour out our love and care. Yet, how soon we forget. After whiny car rides, meltdowns and doses of teen angst, many of our daydreams involve escaping for alone time; but when the storm calms and everyone is settled into bed, our hearts truly long to once again connect. Here are five ways to do just that without spending a million dollars.


1 / QUALITY TIME

Children want to be paid attention to; in fact, children need to be paid attention to. Whether it’s as overt as, “Mommy, look at me!” or as hidden as crossed arms, a dour look and hiding under a hoodie, kids are constantly telling us they need our attention. In order to have quality time count, however, it needs to be on their terms and not merely on ours. Children are less aware of what makes a great time, but they’re experts on what ruins one, so whatever you do, keep the following in mind. First, it can’t be boring or they emotionally disconnect; second, the more everyone is having a good time, the more their cup is filled; third, don’t rush the moment or constantly remind everyone of time limits (when you’re at Disneyland you want to make-believe it will last forever); and finally, be present in the moment to listen, laugh and ask questions, as kids know when our minds are somewhere else.


2 / GET OUT OF THE HOUSE

Home is a place of patterns, and each one has a vibe…a way that things normally go. In order to reestablish connection, it’s imperative to alter the patterns to get everyone engaged, which is done most easily by changing the atmosphere. It doesn’t have to be an expensive outing; children don’t count dollars spent when calculating joy.

 

3 / A SAFE PLACE TO TALK 

I only have daughters, and my daughters love to talk—a lot. Maybe you have boys who are completely content with doing activity and don’t have three words to say, but if a child needs to talk, it’s critical they have a safe environment to do so, or they will stay tight-lipped. A safe place is created when we listen deeply, perform active listening and affirm that what is being said will be kept in appropriate confidence. Remember: They are sorting things out—what they say is not as important as what they are trying to say.

 

4 / LAUGH 

Laughter is critical, and fun is vital. The way to a child’s heart is through their funny bone. The world around them has crushing concerns, and the moment they’re old enough to track on those, their hearts begin to shrink. Let them laugh, make them laugh, and laugh with them. Laughter isn’t just good medicine—it’s good parenting.

 

5 / PROJECTS OF VALUE 

If you’re less of a talker as a parent, you need to think of things you can do with your children that convey emotional content. For example, let them assist in a project that truly matters to the household (not busy work). This will show them that they contribute, and they will feel valued. Serve others who are less fortunate with your children so they learn deep truths side by side with you. Certain activities can say far more than you could ever verbalize.

Lance Hahn is senior pastor at Bridgeway Christian Church in Rocklin. He can be reached at [email protected].